My Dad, Kenny

By Laura Marsden

Location: Dell Road, Shawclough, Rochdale

My Dad is a mechanic and his name is Kenny. We live in Rochdale. Everyone always goes ‘alright Kenny’. No one says alright to me even when I’m with Dad. He says it’s because I have funny eyes. What’s funny about them Dad? They’re a bit bozzy he says.

I’ve got four brothers and one sister called MELISSA. She’s the spit of my Dad Kenny except she has long hair and wears it in a French plait.

All my brothers are dicks. They all have fat heads and loads of spots. They’re always cupping rank farts and then shoving the farts in my face for jokes. Our Carl made me strip off in the snow last night for a joke. I had to stand in the back yard for ages with nothing on except my Winnie the Pooh slippers. They got dead wet because of the melty snow what stuck to them like cold brains. All Carl’s knob-head mates were there. They were all laughing loads and kept grabbing my tits.

Everyone who comes round to ours is always staring at my tits because they’re quite massive. But nobody will look at my face because of the bozzy eyes.

Sometimes I like to just get away from it all for a bit so I tell Dad that I’m going to my room do not disturb. I just lie on my bed and listen to tapes and/or do some colouring. I like colouring. It’s very therapeutic.

MELISSA is allowed to come in whenever she wants because it is also her room. She sometimes brings me a Slim-a-Soup (Minestrone) and a packet of cheese and onion McCoys and/or a Topic. I’m the only person I know who likes Topics.

Next week I’ll be 26. Can’t wait. Dad says he might try and find out if there’s a place in town where they fix eyes.

Laura Marsden lives in a flat that has five rooms. It’s in Salford. She buys weekly provisions from Mocha Parade, the local shopping precinct. It’s really good quality and value for money. For many years she lived in Rochdale. Rochdale, mighty, mighty Rochdale.



7 Responses to “My Dad, Kenny”

  1. January 19, 2010 at 3:16 pm, jim holloway said:

    I love the name Mocha Parade, I used to know people in the flats round the back. I like Topics as well!

  2. January 21, 2010 at 8:05 pm, Joel K said:

    Got the voice, got the world she lives in, got her.

  3. January 29, 2010 at 12:31 pm, JoeG said:

    Very enjoyable and well written, esp “they’re quite massive”.

  4. April 11, 2010 at 5:24 pm, christine lawley said:

    Is Mocha Parade near Mocha -Street- that – was , at the side of the River Irwell ? That’s where Frank and Flo Dobson lived, in a terraced house, with snowy – white lace curtains. Frank had been ‘ a gentleman engineer’ , that is, he wore a watch and chain, with his Union badge on, and was feared/ revered by his fellow- workers. He was deaf, and bellowed a lot.When he’d had a few pints down’Poet’s Corner’ and got bolshy about politics, Flo rubbed her old knees and went, ‘ oh, Frank…’, hiding her head over a glass of milk stout…

  5. April 11, 2010 at 5:29 pm, christine lawley said:

    As you can see, I have fond memories of that part of Salford ; Frank’s favourite song, performed in a strident baritone, when he’d had a few, was ‘ Castles in the Air’. Castles always seemed so exotic to us Salfordians, ha ha

  6. April 11, 2010 at 5:30 pm, christine lawley said:

    Hope you like these Mocha Memories !

  7. April 11, 2010 at 5:32 pm, christine lawley said:

    I’ve been enjoying these Manchester stories whilst the roast was in the oven. Great Sunday fare !


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