By Socrates Adams-Florou
I live in Chinatown.
Every Sunday there is a wedding and loads of fireworks go off on the pavement opposite my house. Every time I think that we are under attack by terrorists.
The lights in Chinatown are bright and of a number of different lurid colours. They make it look dangerous and seedy. Chinatown makes me feel sexy.
There is a restaurant in Chinatown that I always go to. It is the Happy Emperor restaurant. There is a lovely lady in the Happy Emperor restaurant who gives me free prawn crackers and beer when I go in.
I am grotesquely fat due to all of the free beer and prawn crackers. I have started going to a therapist because I am so fat. I feel like a grease ball.
My therapist is called Arnold Phillips. He makes me feel better by forcing me to eat more Chinese food. If I don’t have something in my mouth I start crying.
I spend all of my money on Chinese food in Chinatown. I go to all of the restaurants on a constant quest for Chinese food. I love the smell of Chinese food. I go into the bakeries and supermarkets, stuffing food into my gob, getting poorer and fatter.
I cannot afford my rent.
I now live in one of the gazebos in Chinatown. I am homeless and fat. I am a drug addict.
Leave me alone.
Socrates Adams-Florou says: ‘I write a blog. I was nominated for the 2008 Manchester Blog Awards. I am a massive disappointment.’Stats: