In-Car Valeting

‘You can either start now,’ I said, ‘or you can hot foot it straight back up the M6. It’s up to you.’

‘I’ll see what I can do,’ he said.

He flipped open the briefcase and pulled out a red cloth. He folded the cloth in half and wiped his side of the windscreen. Then he wiped the side window and his half of the dashboard. Then he refolded the cloth, put it back in his briefcase and snapped it shut.

‘Is that it?’

‘This is fine,’ he said.

‘You want me to stop?’

‘Anywhere will do,’ he replied. ‘Wherever is convenient.’

I wasn’t going to leave him at the mercy of tear-arse Audis heading south, so I turned off at Knutsford services.

‘To be honest,’ I said pulling up,  ‘I can’t see where you’re going with this, but good luck and all that.’

I went to shake his hand, but the man stared straight ahead. His moustache didn’t even match his comb over.

‘That’s it!’ I said. ‘Thank you! Vamoose!’

He went to the door handle, but he couldn’t pull it. He couldn’t pull it because his hands were made of plastic like G.I. Joe’s. I opened the door for him and he climbed out. He picked up his briefcase and put the cardboard sign under his arm. He did a sharp salute with his plastic hand and clicked the heels of his shoes.

‘Don’t mention it!’ he barked. ‘Don’t mention it, sir!’

Ian D Smith lives in South Manchester and is a City fan. His stories have been published in Eclectica, Transmission, Silverthought and others.

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4 Responses to “In-Car Valeting”

  1. January 07, 2010 at 3:42 pm, Ian D Smith said:

    Dear all you wonderful people at Rainy City Stories, my artwork accompanying this piece can be seen @

  2. January 09, 2010 at 10:42 am, Update On My Writing « Tony Blair in the Wilderness said:

    […] Those great people at Rainy City Stories chose to publish a story I submitted months ago, In-Car Valeting. Look, it’s a giant metaphor, which is like a semaphore but […]

  3. January 21, 2010 at 8:02 pm, Joel K said:

    Bizarre, but with a point, so it’s actually real.

  4. July 14, 2010 at 5:42 pm, The Sci-Fictional Quasi-Literary Conundrum | Incwriters said:

    […] City Stories: Sofa Sorbet and In-Car Valeting The Front View (aka The View From Here): Telescopes @ Transmission: The […]


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