A Fine Old Breakfast

Drama over and with everybody returning to their business we started on the food –and it was good. It tends to be true that the pricier the restaurant, the more awful the food, so in a place like this you knew it was going to be fantastic. We weren’t disappointed. The toast was just right and dripping in butter, sausages fat and bursting with juices, bacon tender and lean, fried eggs dazzling, black pudding, beans and mushrooms jostling for competition. The only hard part was deciding what to eat first.

Despite the unfortunate events earlier my dad looked as though he was over the embarrassment, and as we finished our food it looked like his day might pick up yet. That is, until my brother took his last mouthful, looked up and said ‘I feel sick’.

‘Well the toilets are that w…’ But it was too late and he flew to the door we came in through. At the same time, however, three yuppies in suits were on their way in. Maybe they had decided to slum it in an attempt to look tough in front of their girlfriends. As they got to the door it was booted open by a ten-year-old boy who blocked the entrance and started expelling food from his face. To be fair, it wasn’t exactly pleasant, but the look of horror on their faces suggested they’d just caught their dad in bed with one of their mates. They eventually pried their eyes away and departed for McDonald’s, leaving my brother counting carrots.

My dad, finally defeated, asked for the bill, which he promptly paid, leaving a little bit extra by way of apology, only to eventually discover the waitress had given it back to my sister on the way out and begged her to ‘take care’. Later on, I was at my aunt’s, simply telling her what we’d been up to that day and I couldn’t understand why she was laughing so much. I suppose these things aren’t funny when you’re living them at the time, but it’s always funny looking back.

Michael Carl-David Healey is in his final year studying English Literature and Creative Writing at the University of Salford. He is working on a novel.

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8 Responses to “A Fine Old Breakfast”

  1. May 16, 2010 at 4:58 pm, Adam Hollingworth said:

    I may be biased; however, i love this story. I remember when Michael first showed me and it still makes me laugh. I’m looking forward to reading more of his work-and more work on this website

  2. May 17, 2010 at 11:33 am, simone charnock said:

    brilliant story laughted all the way through it

  3. May 19, 2010 at 5:27 pm, Joel K said:

    Yes, I liked it, too – positive, not trying to be weird or miserable. A lot of characters, but I wanted more of them – what did they look like, and more of the place. Some of the most unlikely places have pictures of Mediterranean scenes on the wall, or Man U team pictures &c.

  4. May 21, 2010 at 1:16 pm, charlotte Healey said:

    seriously funny in stiches the hole way frew! dint even think at the time ha but to look bak on its mad! the cafes stilll goin aswell well done mike!

  5. May 22, 2010 at 11:58 pm, Lee Whitworth said:

    Thoroughly enjoyable!

  6. June 14, 2010 at 2:39 pm, Iain Robinson said:

    Top Stuff! Richly amusing.

  7. November 05, 2011 at 10:26 pm, dad said:

    Hilarious looking back but, at the time I didn’t know where to put my face. All true as well (sadly) but then again I wouldn’t change a thing cos that would have denied everybody the chance of a good laugh, and that son is priceless.

  8. March 20, 2012 at 1:43 am, Gary bratchford said:

    Really nice story – an expansive version would be a treat. As mentioned above, more about the location…smells, stains on the tables, condensation on the glass, brown stains from old tea inside the cup like water marks of time all of which are evidence of another persons story in the cafe’.
    Keep em coming Mike – keep the dream alive, share the stories.


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